Your Sales Emails Suck!

Sales EmailsWe received an email from an enthusiastic, hard-driving sales professional. Except the email was far from professional. It was awful! See below. We’ve placed comments [in brackets] to highlight some flaws, as well as provide some tips to better communicate to your prospects. Please note we’ve used sarcasm, liberally, to drive some points home. Looking forward to what you guys think, as well as your suggestions on better sales techniques in regards to email…

Theo: [Unless you’re going to list my awesome attributes, I think you meant to use a comma, buddy]

We (www.oursite.com) [You? What about me? Why is this about you?] are the premier provider of “such and such” software [So?]. Our client list includes Facebook, Google, NBC and over 100 other leading institutions. [Wow, you have over 103 clients! Why is this still about you?]

They [They!? I don’t care about them! What the heck about me!?] benefit from our technology which automatically does this and that. [Do I need this? Do you know my issues and concerns? We haven’t even talked about me yet!] Our applications enable your staff to spend their time analyzing, not creating, such and such. [Oh…I see, you already know my problem? You already know my pain points?]

That means [Wow – you’ve come up with a solution to my unknown problem!?] more on target campaigns, fewer mistakes, and more revenue. [So you’re concluding with a selling point that you don’t even know is an actual concern? Nice.]

How is 2/12 10AM Pacific for a call? [And waste more of my time?]

~ Joe

Joe Schmo
Sales Executive
Such and Such, Inc.

The solution to the above mess? Pick Up The Phone and Call Me! If what you have is that good, you’ll want to shout it from the rooftops! That said, if you must use email, here’s an alternative sales email, that may help move a sale forward. It’s sets up the goal – to get an appointment for a call.

Theo,

In such a competitive environment as yours, I’d love the opportunity to discuss some technology we’ve developed that helps professional organizations like yours. In short, I can increase your bottom line like I have with Facebook, Google, NBC and many more.

Would you be open to a brief phone conversation to discuss this next Tuesday, 10:00am, your time?

Thanks for your time,

Joe

What are your thoughts?

Thanks for reading,
~ Theo/DH

Comments

  1. Great article! I agree that it is always best to get the prospect on the phone. But this is a great reminder that if you need to send an email, keep it brief, include a value proposition that speaks to directly to how it will help them, and a specific call to action.

  2. Sales Grail Team says:

    Thanks Dave – great thoughts….pass it on!

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